Weggegomd is niet verdwenen

Weggegomd is niet verdwenenOnlangs verscheen bij uitgeverij ‘De Draak’ te Tollembeek het boek van Hilde Jacobs ‘Weggegomd is niet verdwenen – Over mijn zoektocht naar geluk na ouderverstoting’. Hilde beschrijft hoe ze omgaat met haar situatie als verstoten ouder. Ik mocht het voorwoord schrijven. Als voorsmaakje van het boek kan je dat voorwoord hier lezen.

Voorwoord

Sommige kinderen willen na de scheiding van hun ouders geen contact meer met een van hen. Ze hebben daar nochtans geen echte redenen voor. Hun afkeer voor deze ouder is ingegeven door de verblijfouder die het kind heeft gehersenspoeld en de verstoten ouder gedemoniseerd. Dit is de kern van ouderverstoting. Ook al moeten we zeggen dat ouderverstoting doorgaans een erg complex probleem is waarin alle betrokkenen op de een of andere manier hun aandeel kunnen hebben.

Het ouderverstotingssyndroom brengt heel wat leed met zich. De verstoten ouder lijdt onder het soms jarenlange, soms definitieve gemis van zijn kind(eren). Zijn machteloosheid om iets te doen aan contactherstel neemt zijn leven voor een groot deel in beslag. Vaak wordt hij door de omgeving niet begrepen. Meer nog, hij wordt soms bekeken als een ‘slechte ouder’. Want als je kind geen contact meer met je wil… Ook de grootouders die hun kleinkind(eren) moeten missen hebben veel verdriet. De gevolgen op langere termijn kunnen zowel voor de verstoten ouder, het kind als zelfs voor de verblijfouder ernstig zijn.

Hulpverlening en justitie zijn vaak nog te weinig op de hoogte van dit familiedrama. Dat heeft niet te onderschatten gevolgen: ouderverstoting wordt nog te weinig herkend, er wordt bijgevolg te weinig gedaan om het contact tussen kind en verstoten ouder te herstellen en in algemene zin is er te weinig onderzoek naar methoden om ouderverstoting vast te stellen en het contact te herstellen.

Dit boek is het verhaal van de persoonlijke ervaringen van een verstoten moeder. Het zal verstoten ouders inspireren om beter om te gaan met hun grote leed. Het zal een bijdrage leveren tot een grotere bewustwording van ouderverstoting. Dat zijn grote verdiensten…

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